My friend John bought me these earrings when he went to Spain one year as part of a one week undergraduate exchange. He brought back a similar set of earrings for Ellen too. The earrings are pierced and the posts are European: much larger and too painful for me to wear. For the past 20 years I've intended to get the gold posts changed so I might wear them, but haven't yet.Ellen and I were more than pleased to receive the earrings, recalling John's last trip to South America when he had returned exclaiming:
"I've brought back a pound of Colombian!"
At the time we were joyous, but it turned out the Colombian was only coffee, and somewhat disappointed we had to be satisfied by brewing a pot and listening to John's latest adventures.
This trip to Spain had been sponsored by the University Spanish Club and gave equitable prices for 10 days in Spain over Spring break. John had gone as well as other people we knew including Rhonda, another friend.
John told us the trip had been good although he seemed mildly upset at something. He finally began to tell us about the youth hostel he had stayed in. There were numerous students residing there for the week, some much younger than the college aged students from the University. John alluded that he had been mortified at the behavior of Rhonda, who had apparently had a one-week fling with one of the younger students from Spain who was also travelling. He had only been age 17, John told us. Although, John was quick to add, that it was clear that Ricardo had been sexually mature and knowedgeable: he had been no virgin.
Ellen and I looked at each other quizically, womdering what was going on. We assumed John had been jealous. Rhonda was an attractive woman. She was stately looking with long black hair and had a mediterranean look about her. She wore flamboyant clothing that was atypical: long flowing skirts and capes, mid thigh boots and other attention-drawing garb.
Later, Ellen and I tried to figure out just what was bothering John. He must have had plans to hit on her, we decided, and this young kid killed the idea completely. We figured John must have had the notion of a romantic holiday and was not only disappointed, but foiled by a high-school aged kid. It was all peculiar sounding, but we had learned that you can never second-guess life nor how people choose their own paths. John had always been a good friend to us, though in many respects a mystery. Some things just didn't connect, but we always accepted people at face value. The story didn't completely make sense, but then, why should we pry? More detail was really none of our business.
Some years later John one night revealed something that was very personal that he had held close to his own heart and psyche. It was something that he was risking the very nature of our friendship by telling us, so he thought. It was something that was not easy for John to verbalize: he revealed he was gay.
It was like a breathe of fresh air for me. It was the final piece to the puzzles that had occured many times over the years regarding John's various narratives of events that had happened. We embraced him no differently, and in some ways loved him even more at his trust and willingness to share something personal, something he had held to himself for his whole life.
Many stories became clarified then, including the story of Rhonda and the young man in Madrid. John, it turned out, had also been having an affair with the same young man, hence his annoyance and emotional upset with Rhonda, not at all the unrequited love I had initially imagined.
I haven't seen or heard from John in over 12 years, he lives on another coast now and has another life. Though, Ellen is in touch with him occasionally and I know he is well and involved in a relationship and I hope, very happy.
Sometimes, I look at these artifacts that represent events in my life and I feel the painful longing of friendships having waned. I feel the need to hear a voice or a laugh or the recollection of a common memory. I suppose its just to validate my own being. But the bittersweetness of people that have traveled a lengthy path together, and then separated is hard to bear at times. It makes me understand why divorces are so difficult to endure and why the slightest change can provide the greatest challenge. We want to hang on to all that is the best in us while we discard all that is the worst.
This year I'm going to change the posts in these earrings. I'm going to wear them and think of my friend John, where ever he may be.
© Laurel O'Donnell
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